What to look for........some of these signs are visible very early in a relationship.
- Emotionally abuses (insults you, ignores you, acts sulky/angery when you initiate an idea)
- Tells you who you may be friends with, how you should dress, or tries to control other elements of your life or relationship.
- Talks negatively about women in general.
- Gets jealous when there is no reason.
- Drinks heavily, uses drugs, or tries to get you drunk.
- Berates you.
- Is physically violent to you or others, even if it's "just" getting pushy or grapping.
- Unable to handle sexual and emotional frustrations without becoming angry.
- Does not view you as an equal--because he sees himself smarter than you.
- Thinks poorly of himself and guards his masculinity by acting tough.
- Goes through extreme highs and lows
- Is angery and threating to the extent that you have changed your life so as not to anger him.
- Uncontrolled temper.
- Has poor coping skills.
- Unreasonable and demanding at times
- Gives double messages...pendulum swings from loving to abusive.
- Denys that the abuse occured or makes light of violent episodes.
- Blames the victim, other people or outside events for the violent attack.
- Say they are not acting out of anger.
- Say they are not reacting to stress.
- Extremly jealous.
- Express remorse and begs for forgiveness with seemingly loving gestures.
- Intense fear of abandonment.
- A background involving physical, emotional or sexual abuse.
- Unrealistic expectations of a relationship.
- Inability to accept responsibility for their behavor and actions.
- Cruelty to children and animals.
- Threats of violence.
- Low self-esteem, shame.
- Inability to respect interpersonal boundaries.
- Emotional volatitiy- fear of being "out of control".
- Need for power and control to compensate for the above.
Many of the characteristics above are documented trauma-based adapations to childhood emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.