• Emotionally abuses (insults you, ignores you, acts sulky/angery when you initiate an idea)
• Tells you who you may be friends with, how you should dress, or tries to control other elements of your life or relationship.
• Talks negatively about women in general.
• Gets jealous when there is no reason.
• Drinks heavily, uses drugs, or tries to get you drunk.
• Berates you.
• Is physically violent to you or others, even if it's "just" getting pushy or grapping.
• Unable to handle sexual and emotional frustrations without becoming angry.
• Does not view you as an equal--because he sees himself smarter than you.
• Thinks poorly of himself and guards his masculinity by acting tough.
• Goes through extreme highs and lows
• Is angery and threating to the extent that you have changed your life so as not to anger him.

• Uncontrolled temper.
• Has poor coping skills.
• Unreasonable and demanding at times
• Unpredictable
• Gives double messages...pendulum swings from loving to abusive.
• Denys that the abuse occured or makes light of violent episodes.
• Blames the victim, other people or outside events for the violent attack.
• Say they are not acting out of anger.
• Say they are not reacting to stress.
• Extremly jealous.
• Express remorse and begs for forgiveness with seemingly loving gestures.
• Intense fear of abandonment.
• A background involving physical, emotional or sexual abuse.
• Unrealistic expectations of a relationship.
• Recklessness.
• Inability to accept responsibility for their behavor and actions.
• Cruelty to children and animals.
• Threats of violence.
• Low self-esteem, shame.
• Inability to respect interpersonal boundaries.
• Emotional volatitiy- fear of being "out of control".
• Need for power and control to compensate for the above.

Many of the characteristics above are documented trauma-based adapations to childhood emotional, physical, and sexual abuse.