A Survivor's Story: Getting It Right

I was always trying to get it right. I was not allowed to disagree. Money was a huge control tool for my abuser. I had to show him receipts after buying diapers for the baby. I was not allowed to work. And he would even go so far as to let the air out of my tires so I couldn't look for work when he himself was at work. In the evening he would refill the tires. I got real good at hiding my bruises. My friends probably thought I was the clumsiest person. With no job or skills and a baby I had no idea what to do or where to go.

I remember someone handed me a list of shelters. I thought I am not going to take my baby with me to a shelter. I took a bus and started filling out job applications. I got on waiting lists for temporary housing. One day I accidentally left an application on the table and he came home from work early. Needless to say I endured another beating.

The very last time he laid his hands on me was July 16th 1988 I call this my "Independence day" I asked him for money to buy bananas and diapers. I had secretly stashed $5.00 away in my purse. I had my purse on my shoulder and the baby in the other hand. I was simply going to go to the grocery store. He thought perhaps I had another motive for wanting the money. He grabbed my purse off of my arm. Grabbed me by the arm swung me around and kept slamming my head against the wall. Saying over and over "You are leaving me aren't you!" I will never forget that look.

I ran to the bedroom with my baby and locked the door and called 911. He was outside the door trying to come in. He then got on the phone and started telling the dispatcher that he didn't do anything. He finally got in through the door, grabbed me and the baby and threw us out on the front porch bleeding and bruised with a very upset baby. He was arrested that day for Domestic violence assault.

When I finally left him it wasn't long until he found me. I remember going to the dep. of housing to check on my status. I had this huge black eye. The receptionist gave me her sunglasses. That was THE nicest thing anyone had done for me in months.