A Survivor's Story: Getting It Right
always trying to get it right. I was not allowed to disagree. Money was a huge control tool for my abuser. I had to show him
receipts after buying diapers for the baby. I was not allowed to work. And he would even go so far as to let the air out of
my tires so I couldn't look for work when he himself was at work. In the evening he would refill the tires. I got real good
at hiding my bruises. My friends probably thought I was the clumsiest person. With no job or skills and a baby I had no idea
what to do or where to go.
I remember someone handed me a list of shelters. I thought I am not going to take my baby
with me to a shelter. I took a bus and started filling out job applications. I got on waiting lists for temporary housing.
One day I accidentally left an application on the table and he came home from work early. Needless to say I endured another
The very last time he laid his hands on me was July 16th 1988 I call this my "Independence day" I asked him
for money to buy bananas and diapers. I had secretly stashed $5.00 away in my purse. I had my purse on my shoulder and the
baby in the other hand. I was simply going to go to the grocery store. He thought perhaps I had another motive for wanting
the money. He grabbed my purse off of my arm. Grabbed me by the arm swung me around and kept slamming my head against the
wall. Saying over and over "You are leaving me aren't you!" I will never forget that look.
I ran to the bedroom with
my baby and locked the door and called 911. He was outside the door trying to come in. He then got on the phone and started
telling the dispatcher that he didn't do anything. He finally got in through the door, grabbed me and the baby and threw us
out on the front porch bleeding and bruised with a very upset baby. He was arrested that day for Domestic violence assault.
I finally left him it wasn't long until he found me. I remember going to the dep. of housing to check on my status. I had
this huge black eye. The receptionist gave me her sunglasses. That was THE nicest thing anyone had done for me in months.
Stranger in my world of my dreams
makes me full of desire, others become casualties
Its you and me forever you are the God of me
to please, be beautiful, make you see
You said you would never leave
It was a thought you couldn't conceive
you! dont leave!
Why is there pain,where is the love I should recieve?
So gentle and calm I trusted you in my life
told me you loved me I thought you cared
I felt things my soul has never beared
Till the day you said you had to go
I was deleted, blacklisted from your day
Though I felt regected, abandoned and misused
I learned that night
that even he abused.
"you could slit my throat...i'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt"